You probably have everything but the kitchen sink in your purse. Keys to every car you’ve ever owned, phone, wallet, a receipt for that turkey bacon guacamole sandwich you ate two weeks ago, old gum wrappers, melted candy, your favorite lipgloss. You may feel that you’re ready to face the world when you sling that cute little black bag over your shoulder and head out to work / on the town / hiking / vet appointment, but what happens when you stop by the restroom and .. oh. Aunt Flo has arrived for her monthly visit. If you’re lucky, while frantically pawing through the nightmarish jungle that is your purse, you may happen upon a questionable tampon that escaped the wrapper two years ago.

Stop torturing yourself every month! I finally did. It’s time to be period-prepared and make a purse pack of all the menstrual essentials we have to deal with. It’s simple, quick, and if you put a little thought into it, it can be almost fun.

For starters, gather your supplies. A few ideas for the contents of a period-prepared purse pack would be tampons and/or pads, panty liners, sanitary wipes, your favorite monthly symptom supressor (Midol, Pamprin, etc), and even a clean pair of underwear, you know, just in case. Customize it! These are just some thoughts to get you started. Pack whatever you know you will need when the period beast comes knockin’ .. Diva cup, dark chocolate bar, whatever!

Now comes the fun part: finding something cute to pack it all up in. You didn’t think that you were going to get away with just throwing your well-laid plains into the bottom of your purse, never to be seen again, did you? Nope, we’re going to do this right, and keep everything together. Hence the pack in period-prepared purse pack.

The pack can be as simple as a ziplock bag .. but why would you want to be that boring? Get to gettin’ and find yourself an adorable little zip or button close bag that is small enough to be unobtrusive, but big enough to hold everything you need. And don’t just cruise the accessories department of Target. Be bold and use a Lisa Frank pencil pouch with rainbow leopards and butterflies. If you’re crafty, knit or crochet a little cupcake bag. Or, if the thought of Lisa Frank and knitting make you want to puke, pick up one of those cute little coffin-shaped bags and create the Monthly Doom Box.

Currently, I’m storing my goods in a cute, bubbly, unassuming Dr. Pepper zip-up bag. It’s fuzzy and Dr. Peppery and it makes me smile when I’m forced to carry it into the bathroom.

When it’s all said and done, throw the bag into your purse or tuck it away inside your car. Remember to replenish your supplies monthly. Congratulations, you are now preapred for anything.

     

We start with the fairest of them all; a simple yet stunning black emsemble featuring a sweetheart star corset, and a ruched taffeta skirt. The veiled tophat with feathers tops it all off.

Next, there’s the new red embroidered taffeta high-cut corset, shown with matching red and black skirt.

     

And now for something completely different .. cute retro bikini! This black and white polka dot bikini is inspired by 50’s swimwear, but it would make a fun statement by any modern pool or beach.

Finally, I simply had to add this pink strap garter belt with pink Ophelia stockings, not only because it’s terribly cute, but also because my favorite model of all time (Morgana, FYI) is wearing it and holding a matching cupcake. Talk about a sweet accessory.

Before I saw the movie Marie Antoinette, I would never have imagined that the holy trinity — music, fashion, sugar — could be combined in such a fantastic, salivation-inducing way. At every turn in this film, you are met with a feast for the eyes and the ears; it’s like 1780 and 1980 collided in a fortunate time machine accident, and as you’re along for the ride, you munch away on a bitesize pastry while bobbing your head to Siouxsie & The Banshees, The Cure, and Bow Wow Wow being played on a harpsichord.

The food — the pink pastries and yellow mini cakes, decked out in strawberries and ribbons of icing — are just as much a part of the art of the movie as the gorgeous wardrobe designed by Milena Canonera. The costumes themselves bear resemblance to a confectionary masterpiece; gowns like waves of smooth, pastel-hued icing, and hair like piles of pale whipped cream, bejeweled with sugary flowers and birds.

The problem of leisure - what to do for pleasure?

Director Sofia Coppola’s modern take on the historical “teen queen who rocked Versailles” shows Marie Antoinette as a confused, angsty, and bored teenager with a lot of money and time to waste. As such, we see scenes of Marie and her giggling entourage trying on dozens of gorgeous gowns, pondering important questions (which do you like best - with or without ruffles?), guzzling down champagne and going through boxes upon boxes of shoes (where we catch a brief glimpse of a pair of Converses).

During a montage of extravagance and overindulgence, accompanied by Bow Wow Wow’s I Want Candy (80’s anyone?), Marie brings in her own personal hairdresser who piles her blonde hair up to a staggering height, pats it down to powdered perfection, and then proceeds to add feathers, fake birds, glitz, and glamour. In a later scene, Marie’s brother comments that she could hide a small pet in her hair.

Reminiscent of a modern prom-slash-nightclub, Marie Antoinette sneaks out with her hubby and clique to a masquerade ball. While dancing the night away to Siouxsie and the Banshees, Marie rocks a gorgeous black ballgown and “mask”, while her BFF, the Duchess de Polignac, shows off a lovely green peacock look.

The ladies in this movie know how to accessorize — be it with exquisite and ornate hand fans (I am such a sucker for fans), elegant drop earrings, hot pink feathers, and even a simple sliver of black velvet tied around the neck.

The makeup is kept quite simple in this movie, and it all adheres to a basic formula: smooth, ghostly-white faces, neutral eyes with minimal mascara and no eyeliner to be seen, and a shock of pink or red just at the apples of the cheeks and staining the lips.

Critics have ripped Marie Antoinette to shreds. (Who listens to critics, anyways? Not I, said the cat.) But, no matter how you feel about the non-conformity, or the acting, or the accents (or lack thereof) or any of it, I find it hard to believe that anyone would dare to say that this movie is not a sweet feast for the eyes, as well as a fashion influence.

This corset-style, lace-up, tube-topesque shirt was reconstructed from an actual, licensed NIN shirt. Now it’s all pretty and girlified! EvilNeedles is an awesome website and they have tons of pretty band shirts with a flattering fit.

(PS: complete your NIN-love with Aromaleigh’s Rocks! eyeshadow in ‘downwardspiral’. It is described as “deep dark burgandy with hot golden sparks”.)

Currently $49.99 at JCPenney.com.

This dress, black leggings, pink leg warmers.. yeah, I should have bought it.

I am on the Neverending Quest for the Perfect Foundation. I have used and loved Aromaleigh mineral cosmetics for about four years now. I discovered the brand when I was on Accutane and absolutely everything caused my skin to go into a volcanic rupture. But not minerals! Hurray for minerals!

Anyhow. The shade that I was using in Aromaleigh’s old formulas (and I mean old — I stocked up when they changed formulas, it’s been a few years) just doesn’t suit my skin any more. It’s too.. something. Darkish. So I ordered samples of one of their new formulas. And the best part — when you order nothing but samples, you get free shipping, plus they throw in 3 free samples with each and every order. So I got a lot to play with for $7.

Beautifully packaged. Like a little gift. <3

The goods! From left to right, top to bottom:

Free Samples!

- Eye Lustre in “Olivia” (fawn-copper)

- Eye Lustre in “Severina” (lucky charms green)

- Aromatherapy lipbalm in “Must-Have Mocha”

- Eyeshadow Surprise in “Le Mystere #40″ (cloudy silver)

The Real Loot:

- Gothic Lolita Nourishing Color Creme in “Pinafore” (shimmery child of red and pink)

- Gothic Lolita Nourishing Color Creme in “Melancholia” (violet-infused bitten lip)

- Voile Mineral Foundation in “1YL” (pale yellow/linen-beige undertones)

- Voile Mineral Foundation in “1L” (pale linen-beige undertones)

- Voile Mineral Foundation in “2YL” (I can tell this will be too dark for me! oh well)

- Elemental Lustre Cheek Glisten in “Luminary” (pink and silver’s lovechild)

I haven’t had a chance to play in anything yet, but I will start documenting the journey tomorrow.

Let’s face it: going to a spa is a wonderful, relaxing, and expensive luxury. It’s not exactly something that most of us can afford to do on a regular basis.

But here’s another fact: most of us are probably stressed to the point of being frazzled every day. We barely have enough time to fix a decent meal to eat in the morning, and we spend the rest of our day taking care of other people’s needs and trying to stay ahead of the game, whether it be at work or at home.

Where did the me time go? You grab a quick shower once or twice a day, just to wash the necessary bits. Maybe sometimes you shave your legs. But there’s just not enough time, really.

Well make time! Seriously. Set aside an hour or two once a week and give yourself an at-home spa session. You can relax, glue all the pieces of your mind back together, cozy up with your rubber duckie, and take care of all your weekly beauty treatments all at the same time.

PREPERATIONS:

- Lay out everything you’ll need for the entire session. You don’t want to have to go traipsing all over the place in your bath robe trying to find your favorite body cream and ruining the soothing experience.

- Draw yourself a nice, hot bath. Use your favorite bubble bath (I love off-brand Strawberry Shortcake and philosophy’s 3-in-1’s for a tasty froth) and a special treat for your skin, such as bath salts or just skin-softening milk.

- Whip up your favorite drink. My choice would be a warm cup of dark cocoa topped off with fresh whipped cream, but your mileage may vary.

- Bring in your CD or MP3 player and put on your favorite, most relaxing tunes. Whether it’s Enya or Metallica, whatever soothes you, play it!

- Dim the lights and bring out your favorite scented candle. My favorite is Yankee Candle’s vanilla cupcake — it makes my bathroom smell like the inside of an oven on someone’s birthday.

- Be sure to have your most plush, fluffy bath robe ready.

Now hop in. Soak. Relax. Sip your drink and listen to the soothing sounds of your chosen music. Lay back with your eyes closed and do nothing until the water starts to cool off. At that time, it would be a great idea to take care of some all over body exfoliating with a gentle scrub, and shave whatever areas you usually put off shaving.

Once you’ve thoroughly relaxed in the tub and you’re as pruny as a California raisin, rinse off, pat dry and get ready for phase two. Here’s a few reccomendations of weekly beauty treatments that you can get done while you’re “at the spa”:

• Deep Conditioning Treatment: This is great to do while you’re soaking. Comb in your favorite deep conditioner — currently, I am loving Garnier Fructis Melting Masque, but just plain jojoba oil works wonders — put your hair up in a bun or under a shower cap, and let it soak in for 10-20+ minutes. Your hair will thank you for it.
  
  

• Facial Mask: Something else to do while you’re kicking back in the tub. Find a mask for your skin type (I always loved Queen Helene Mint Julep mask for oily, breakout-prone skin) or make your own. (Half a banana and a few teaspoons of honey is a messy, but surprisingly effective facial mask for moisturizing and toning the skin. Plus, you can eat the other half of the banana, preferably with some peanut butter, as a pre-spa snack.)
  
  

• Exfoliate: Exfoliate everywhere, face and body! Give an especially good scrub to areas where you plan to do hair removal.
  
  

• Shave: Come on. You know you put off shaving. (I know I do.) You know that your legs look like Bigfoot’s girlfriend’s. Shave it all off and be done with it. You don’t even need a shaving gel — hair conditioner works just as well.
  
  
  
• Tweeze: Down with the unibrow! Get all of your tweezing out of the way. Clean up your brows. Pluck your big toe. (And if you’re like me and you’re just so into self-torture, tweeze your bikini line.)
  
  

• Wax: Are you a waxer? Now’s the time to rip all those hairs right out of those follicles. Show no mercy!
  
  

• Bleach: If you’re starting to get questions about your moustache, bleach it away now.
  
  

• Mani/Pedi: Take care of your poor hands and feet — don’t they take care of you? Scrub them up good with an exfoliator (use a pumice stone on especially rough spots), and then trim, shape, buff, and file nails. Slather on a good, thick body butter and slip into some moisturizing booties or gloves. Hey, you could even paint your nails cotton candy pink if you’re feeling adventurous.
  
  

• Moisturize: Use all of your favorite facial moisturizers, body butters, and lotions to make your skin baby soft from head to toe.
  
  

• Teeth Whitening: Now’s the time to pull out those expensive teeth whitening strips you’ve been hiding in the back of the cabinet and saving for “that special occassion”.
  

Oh, and don’t forget the deodorant. That’s actually something you should do daily, not weekly.

You’d be surprised at how incredibly pampered, relaxed, and yes, even energized you will feel after a session like this. And to top it off, after it’s all said and done, you can slip into your favorite pj’s, eat a delicious meal or snack (linguini with garlic bread and chocolate-covered donuts, yum — but not together) and catch your favorite TV show or movie.

Whatever makes you happy, whatever relaxes you, whatever makes you feel beautiful — just remember, it’s all about you.

Dark and noticeable hair on the face and body has long plagued and perplexed mankind (well, mostly womankind, mankind usually just kind of embraces it).

Perhaps one of the complexion combinations that makes this phenomenon so hard to deal with is the one that I am blessed (cursed?) with: pale skin, dark, dark… dark hair.

I don’t mind admitting that I bleach. If I didn’t, I’m convinced that my arms would look like they had been removed from the body of a monkey and surgically implanted onto my body. I envy those that have blonde, babyfine peach fuzz on their arms; the kind of hair that you only notice when the light hits it just right, and Jupiter is aligned with Saturn and a witch flies across the full moon and casts a shadow on a giraffe in a zoo.

There are several different ways of dealing with unwanted facial and body hair. All of them have their ups and downs. I choose to bleach around my face and arms because (1) I don’t want to have to wait for the hair to grow out in between waxing, and (2) stubble from shaving just would not be okay on these areas.

Oh, and (3) I don’t have money to waste on laser hair removal that might not even work.

Bleaching is a task that I loathe. I love the results, but oh, the agony of the procedure. It burns. It stinks (sort of like ammonia). It’s not at all glamorous, and you have to basically sit still for 10+ minutes and endure the burny-itchy-stinky torture while you try to amuse yourself by reading the list of ingredients on your shampoo bottle. If you bump up against the shower door, you come out later with a beautifully bleached arm that has a two inch strip of dark hair with a neon sign above it that says “LOOK AT ME WHEEEEEEE”. You are basically confined to the shower while the bleach sets, because as it dries it starts to flake off and you leave a snowy trail everywhere you step.

But this is all neccessary, because sometimes, beauty is torture.

So, if you’re like me and you endure said torture once a week, or if you’re thinking of delving into the crazy world of bleaching, here are some tips and tricks to get the most of your (bad) experience.

• PICK THE RIGHT BRAND FOR YOU, AND STICK WITH IT: You may have to experiment for a while to find the right brand of bleach that works best for you. My weapon of choice is Sally Hansen cream bleach for face and body. It comes with a pre-application primer (some sort of liquid that you apply with a cotton ball that), cream bleach and applicator (you mix the two together), a spatula for mixing and applying, and a mixing cup. And every box comes with a $1 off coupon for your next purchase! Rock on. I strayed and tried Jolene bleach a while back, and I was thrilled that it barely burned or stank at all…. oh, and it didn’t lighten my hair whatsoever. So experiment and see what works for you.
  
  

• PROTECT SENSITIVE AREAS: While you’re out picking up bleach, get a tube of Aquaphor, or plain old Vaseline. Before you start bleaching, smear this stuff all over your lips and over any little nicks and cuts you may have on the areas you plan to bleach. I repeatedly gave myself a chemical burn on my lips before I realized what was going on — the bleach was migrating and burning my mouth. And heaven help you if you spread bleach over a paper cut — you will beg for the sweet release of death as the pain spreads and the area puffs up and turns the same shade of a crab.
  
  

• FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS: Really. If it says to let the bleach set for 10 minutes, just tough it out and leave it on that long. I know it burns. I know it itches. But if you occupy yourself with something else, you won’t notice it as much. If you chicken out and rinse it off after 4 minutes, don’t blame the bleach if you still have monkey arms.
  
  

• OCCUPY YOURSELF & MAXIMIZE YOUR TIME: So you’ve applied your bleach and now you’ve got 10 minutes to waste. You could spend it watching the clock and counting down the seconds while you squirm, or you could be productive with that time and get something done and take your mind off the slight burning sensation! Sit in the tub (don’t fill it up, of course, or you’ll splash away the bleach) and exfoliate your feet and legs. Try the milk and honey body scrub recipe! Clip your nails. Shave your legs. Before you apply the bleach, comb a deep conditioner into your hair (the hair on top of your head, that is) and then wear a shower cap, so while you endure the bleaching experience, your hair is enjoying a deep, nourishing conditioning treatment.
  
  
  
• RINSE WELL: When that glorious time comes to remove the bleach, make sure to rinse it off well. Don’t leave any residue or flakes on yourself. I have found that washing after bleaching seems to have a negative effect on the results.. so reach for the shower gel before you bleach.
  

For some of us, bleaching is just a neccessary evil and a small part of the grand beauty plan. But hopefully you can turn that beautifully bleached frown upside down.

So, you say that your skin is dull? Dry? Needs a pick me up? Needs some serious — but gentle! — exfoliation? Don’t run out to the drugstore and shell out $12 just yet. Most likely, you have everything you need for an effective, gentle, natural (not to mention tasty) face and body scrub right in your kitchen.

I have been making this scrub for years, and I use it about once a week. It’s gentle enough to use on your face, but effective enough to use on your entire body. I find that it works especially well on areas you shave and wax, to help exfoliate and cut down on the risk of ingrown hairs. It also works perfectly for step one in an at-home mani/pedi. So scrub away!

This scrub contains three simple ingredients.

• SUGAR: A natural, gentle exfoliant that scrubs skin clean and smooth, and melts away in a hot shower. Sugar produces glycolic acid — a natural alpha hydroxy acid — that is great for your skin.
  
  

• HONEY: Not only does honey help hold the scrub into a pliable paste form, it is a natural antioxidant with anti-microbial properties. It also helps draw moisture into the skin and retain it.
  
  

• MILK: Milk softens the skin and will also help balance the skin’s pH. Goat’s milk is a wonderful, rich additive to any skincare recipe, but your regular ol’ cow’s milk works great too! (That’s what I usually use!)
  

Combine two parts sugar with one part honey and one part milk. Mix well and use immediately. Discard leftovers.

Easy as pie, and almost as tasty! You can make as little or as much as you need. I use teaspoon measurements for a quick, small batch of facial scrub, and just add more if I need to exfoliate all over. And remember, you can experiment with ingredients from around your kitchen to add even more oomph for a custom scrub that’s as tasty as you are.

So go forth and exfoliate, but try not to eat the beauty treatment, okay?